Legend has it that Nasrudin
was walking alone at night
when he saw a group of people
approaching in the far
distance. Instantly, his
imagination began to toy with
him: "They are surely robbers!"
he thought. "No, why just
robbers? Murderers, cutthroats!
About to set upon me, a lonely
traveller, leave me for dead and
steal all my possessions! How
are my wife and children going
to cope without me?!"
Nasrudin's heart began to pound. His mouth
became as dry as his palms became wet. He
shook from head to toe and found himself
breathing like an unfit man running to the
finishing line of his first marathon.
Having thoroughly terrified himself, he
stumbled into a nearby graveyard and
cowered shaking inside an open tomb,
awaiting his fate. Meanwhile, the harmless
strangers, worried by his dramatic behaviour,
approached him and looked with concern
down into the tomb. "What, pray, are you
doing down there?" they asked.
Nasrudin, calming down quickly, said: "Well,
put it this way: I am here because of you and
you are here because of me!" (1)
Imagination is a tool to be used, but how
many people misuse it to torment themselves?
Imagination and emotionality are closely
linked and what we imagine can feel very real
to us (even when it isn't at all).
As the author Katherine Paterson once said:
"To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by
the tail and swing you around is another."
If you find yourself becoming overly anxious,
use the following steps to help you calm down
and start to regain control.
1) Breathing is the short circuit for
anxiety
I know I know, you hear a lot about 'deep
breathing' to help you relax and reduce
anxiety, but bear with me.
Quicker, shallower breathing is the first trigger
which catapults all the other anxious
symptoms into action. So by controlling
breathing you control all the other anxiety
symptoms as well.
If you purposely breathe out longer than you
breathe in, your body has to calm right down
(regardless of what tricks your imagination is
playing on you).
So if you start to feel fearful:
Stop
Focus on your breath
Take a breath in (to the quick count of 7 in
your mind)
Then slowly breathe out (to the quick count
of 11 in your mind)
If you do this for a minute or so, you'll be
amazed how quickly you've calmed down. We
call this '7/11 breathing' but the numbers are
up to you, just as long as the out-breath is
longer than the in-breath.
"That's all very well!" I hear you say. "But
when I get anxious I forget everything and all
good advice goes out the window!"
Good point and well made. This brings us to...
2) Prepare for peaceful performance
If you get anxious and fear upcoming events,
you'll notice that just thinking about that
interview, speech, or whatever will start to
cause physical responses – namely, anxiety.
So you might be thinking about next
Wednesday's dental appointment and find
yourself breathing more quickly or your palms
getting moist. This in turn primes your body
to become even more anxious in the actual
situation and so the vicious cycle continues.
And note the role of the imagination in
priming your mind and body to feel fearful
(see opening story).
But you're going to find that breathing in a
relaxed 7/11 way whilst imagining the
upcoming situation ahead of time calms the
association down, priming your mind to feel
more relaxed naturally and automatically when
the actual situation arrives.
So when you find yourself thinking about the
future event, do 7/11 breathing.
One symptom of too much fear or anxiety is
not being able to think clearly (Nasrudin
stumbled into the nearest tomb!). This
happens because the emotional part of the
brain 'swamps' the thinking part so as to
avoid, say, over-analysis getting in the way of
running like Bejessus from a lion.
But in most modern situations we want to
retain clear thought. And keeping your
'thinking brain' working actually calms you
right down. The next step helps you do that.
3) Use a different part of your brain
When we become very anxious, it's harder to
think clearly. But if we force ourselves to use
parts of 'the thinking brain', this will dilute the
emotion and begin to calm you down.
The easiest way to do this is with numbers.
You can scale your own fear from 1 to 10, 10
being the most terrified it's possible to be and
1 being the ultimate relaxed state.
When you're feeling anxious, ask yourself:
"Okay what number on the scale am I right
now? Am I a 7, or a 5?" Just doing this will
lower anxiety because it kick-starts the
thinking brain, diluting the emotion and
automatically making you calmer.
I recall the first time I gave a speech to three
hundred people. Just before I was about to
start, I was feeling more anxious than I would
have liked. So I scaled myself at a 6, breathed
longer out than in for a few moments, and
waited for myself to go down to a 3 before
starting. I took control. Scaling (sometimes
known as 'grading') your fear puts a 'fence'
around it, making it more manageable, and
forces you to think.
4) Get control of your imagination
Fear and anxiety thrive when we imagine the
worst. We developed imagination to be able to
project into the future so we can plan ahead.
However, a side effect of being able to imagine
possible positive futures is being able to
imagine things going wrong. A bit of this is
useful; after all, there really might be muggers
or loan sharks. But uncontrolled imagination
is a nesting ground for anxiety and fear that
can spoil otherwise happy lives.
Some people misuse their imagination
chronically and so suffer much more anxiety
than those who either future-project their
imaginations constructively or who don't tend
to think about the future much at all. Anxious,
chronic worriers tend to misuse their
imaginations to the extent that upcoming
events feel like catastrophes waiting to
happen. No wonder whole lives can be
blighted by fear and anxiety.
Some people don't even really know they are
doing this. So:
Sit down and do your 7/11 breathing.
Count yourself down from whatever number
you deem yourself to be to a 2 or a 1.
Imagine seeing yourself in the situation you
were dreading, but see yourself being calm,
composed, cool, and comfortable and things
going well. Doing this starts to recondition
your mind to feel calmer and more upbeat
about upcoming events or regular situations
which were causing anxiety.
Or let me do this for you by clicking on the
free audio below:
5) Use the AWARE technique
Fear and anxiety can feel as if they 'just
happen to us', but we have much more control
than we realize. AWARE is an acronym
standing for:
A: Accept the anxiety. Don't try to fight it.
W: Watch the anxiety. Just watch it and when
you notice it, scale your level of fear and start
to breathe longer on the out-breath.
A: Stands for 'Act normally'. Carry on talking
or behaving as if nothing is different. This
sends a powerful signal to your unconscious
mind that its over-dramatic response is
actually not needed because nothing that
unusual is going on. Like fire fighters coming
out and seeing that no emergency is
happening and so going back to the fire
station.
R: Repeat the above steps in your mind if
necessary.
E: Expect the best. One of the greatest feelings
in life is the realization that you can control
fear much more than you thought possible.
Overcoming fear and anxiety will give you the
'spare capacity' in life to focus on what you
really want to be and do. It takes effort, but
imagine the rewards.
